“Vote With Your Fists”
After a final pat down, the state trooper pulled back the flap for Charles Roman to enter. Three men were inside the pole tent. A Secret Service agent stood at the entrance and gave Charles a quick look over. Another man in a short-sleeved shirt with a black medical bag sat in a chair near the exit, reading a travel magazine. The third man sat on a stool in the middle holding an ice pack to his face; blood splattered his white T-shirt.
Charles started towards
the figure on the stool, but the Secret Service agent stepped in front of him,
holding up a hand. “Remember, you only
get one punch.”
“I know.”
The agent nodded and
returned to his place by the flap.
Charles walked up to the
man on the stool. “Senator Hoyer, happy
Punch-Your-Politician Day.”
The Senator removed the
ice pack. “Just get this over with.”
“Not so fast. There are a few things I want to tell
you. First off, you weren’t my first
choice. I had wanted to punch the
President, but I couldn’t afford to stand in line all day so I had to settle
for you.”
“I’m honored.”
Charles scoffed. “Secondly, I don’t know why, but I actually
voted for you last year.”
“Thank you.”
“Thank you? I wish that was something I could say to
you. What have you done for me this past
year?” Charles closed his eyes and muttered, “Ah … let’s see … um … oh yeah.”
He opened his eyes and glared at the Senator.
“Nothing. During your campaign
you made dozens of speeches about job creation and making education more
affordable. But have you done any of
that?”
“The measures I support
have yet to make their way out of their respective committees.”
“Oh, but the measures to
give tax cuts to the rich go through committees, Congress, and on to the
President in record time.” Charles clapped his hands, and in a somber voice
said, “Hooray for American democracy.”
A little table stood next
to the Senator with a glass of water.
The Senator set the ice pack down and picked up the glass and took a sip
of water. “Democracy,” he said, “means if
you don’t like what your politician is doing, you vote them out of office.”
“I don’t like what you’ve
done, but I have to wait five more years to vote you out? Doesn’t seem fair. I mean, if I get a bad hamburger at a
drive-thru I can take it right back and get another one.”
The Senator
chuckled. “Would you rather politicians
just did what the polls told them to do?”
“If the polls showed that
the majority of the people supported a measure it would be nice if you
politicians, who supposedly work for ‘the people,’ supported it as well, you
know, instead of just listening to those who write you checks.”
Looking Charles in the
eye, the Senator asked, “Do you actually know that all politicians are only out
for their own good, or is that just what the media has fed you?”
Charles let a breath out
through his nose. “Just about a month
before last year’s election, my mother-in-law had a stroke.”
“Is she all right?”
“Why do you care? She lives in different state.”
“I care because I’m
human.”
“You have a funny way of
showing it. Anyway, about three months
ago my father had a heart attack.” Charles paused for a second. “He does live in our state, but he never
voted for you. Anyway, it’s needless to
say that our medical bills have been rather painful this past year, and what
with our oldest starting her third year at college and our youngest starting to
look at colleges, and my wife’s job being outsourced last year, we have no idea
how we’re going to pay for it all. So
there you have it. Two modest, hard
working Americans who can’t pay their bills and who have been waiting – for
years – for our elected officials to help us.”
The Senator looked at the
ground. “We can’t solve every problem
overnight.”
“Have you even tried?”
Before the Senator could reply Charles continued, “And don’t just blame the
other party for all the ills of the country, because they say the same about
you. Actually, you’re probably both right. You’re each too busy trying to beat the other
guy to a bloody pulp that you don’t have time to do your jobs.”
“I might point out,” the
Senator said, “that distractions like this don’t help either.”
“Ah, but if you did your
jobs in the first place, this holiday wouldn’t be needed to show you how sick
and tired we are of politics as usual.” Charles had more-or-less managed to
keep his voice under control to this point, but now he began shouting, “You’re
not supposed to just be paying back whoever bought you your election. You’re supposed to be working for ‘We the
People,’ and until you get that through your thick skulls we’ll continue to do
this every year.”
Without warning, Charles’
fist slammed into the Senator’s jaw with all the hatred for what American
politics had become behind it. Knocking
over the table, the Senator fell to the ground with fresh blood flowing from
his mouth. “Although, we should do this
every day.” Charles drew his foot back to kick the Senator in the ribs.
This caused the Senator
to curl into a fetal position and the Secret Service agent to grab Charles and
push him towards the exit saying, “You got your punch.”
“I know, I know. I wasn’t going to kick him. I just needed to make him cringe.”
###
I first wrote this story
twenty years ago, back when we expected Bush to be the dumbest President. I republished it in my collection Political Pies in 2012. I was reminded of this
recently for … reasons, and figured I should post it again.
Let me assure you that I do
not advocate violence against our elected officials. Violence should play no part in a
democracy. Still, I do think the line
from V for Vendetta, “People should not be afraid of their
governments. Governments should be
afraid of their people,” should be made the national motto.
Now, one little issue
that I will point out. Let me ask, why
are we Americans and not British? Well,
one – of several – reasons is that the British politicians didn’t seem to care
all that much about what the colonials had to say in regards to taxes. Interesting bit of history, isn’t it? And those who think we are taxed too much and
those who think the rich aren’t taxed enough can both find meaning in that,
which makes it even more interesting.
