Short story – “Tricked”

“Tricked”

When her doorbell rang, Mable shuffled towards the door.  She opened it to see a young man dressed as a pirate, and a kid dressed in a full-body Minion outfit from those movies her grandkids loved so much.  The Minion held out a pumpkin bucket and in a soft, muffled voice said, “Trick or treat.”

“Aren’t you adorable,” Mable said with a smile.  “And what’s your name?”

The Minion pulled the bucket back a bit, but didn’t answer.

The pirate patted him on the head and said, “Billy.  He’s just a little shy.”

“I have a grandson that’s the same way.” Mable chuckled as she dropped a handful of mini candy bars into the bucket.

“What do you say?” the pirate asked.

“Thank you,” came the soft, muffled voice.

“You’re very welcomed, Billy,” Mable said.

The pirate smiled and told Mable, “Have a Happy Halloween.”

#

Out on the sidewalk, in his regular voice Bill said, “I can’t believe you talked me into this.”

Tom, the pirate, replied, “Hey, we split the candy and I’ll buy you a beer later.”

“This is so humiliating.”

Tom smacked his shoulder.  “You brought a smile to an old lady’s face.  Because of that will they kick you out of the Little People Society?” After a moment, Tom gave an evil grin.  “I know they have short fuses, but come on.”

Bill stopped and looked up at Tom for a moment.  Lifting the bucket he stated, “For every short joke you tell tonight, I’m taking a piece of your candy.”

Tom nodded.  “I guess that’s a small price to pay.”

“That’s two,” Bill told him.

Putting his arm around Bill, Tom said, “Well then, we’re going to have to hit a lot of houses for me to get any candy tonight.”

They walked to the next house with Bill muttering words children shouldn’t use.  

***

This story was written in 2015 on a site that I no longer post to.  I recently remembered it, and I decided to revise and repost it.  I don’t really remember the origin of this story, which is probably for the best.

A disturbing thought about Putin

This began when I was thinking about that glorious day when a judge bangs their gavel and Trump is sentenced to prison for … whichever crime he’s committed in the past forty years they finally get him on.  And I figured that Trump wouldn’t take well to prison to the point would he offer details on any deal he had with Putin for a lighter sentence.  Given Putin’s history of assassinating political opponents, he wouldn’t have an issue taking out someone planning on squealing.  And let’s be honest, even if the bullet was engraved with “Love Vlad,” and the shooter was caught on tape, in the act, and immediately did a “Heil Putin,” or whatever, the magats would figure that it was really Antifa who killed their beloved leader and they just might start that civil war they’re always talking about.

All of that was disturbing, but then another possibility came to my mind.  Let’s say that Putin’s little war wasn’t going that well.  He could go nuclear, but that might be too difficult to coverup.  He could go biological or chemical, but it might help if there was some … distraction in the West so that his latest war crime isn’t the top story in the news.  And the mass unrest after the assassination of a controversial figure could be just the thing he would need.

To be clear, I am not calling for the assassination of Trump.  I want him to live out the rest of his miserable life in prison.  I would say maybe Putin could be his cellmate, but I seriously expect that it’s only a matter of time before Putin is “accidently” shot – in the back of the head – while “resisting” arrest.

Random Story – Stupid smoke detector

This is just an odd little story from my life.

My first apartment was in this old house that had been split up into six or seven apartments.  My door was on the second floor, but it opened to a set of stairs that went up to the third floor which was all mine.  A few months after I moved in, I got a crappy midnight-to-eight job at a convenience store.  I’m a bit of a night owl, so the hours didn’t really bother me.  Except during the summer.  I didn’t have air conditioning and, since I sleep best when it’s dark, I had thick curtains over my windows so I couldn’t get a breeze and my bedroom became a little oven.  Also, it seemed there were times when I would just be about to fall asleep and some neighbor would decide to mow their yard. 

Anyway, one day I’m about to fall asleep when I hear a faint chirp.  This repeats a few times, and then I realize it’s a low battery alarm on a smoke detector.  I got up and check my smoke detector, but it was fine.  I figured it was a downstair neighbor’s, who probably wouldn’t be home from work for three or four hours.  So I went back to bed, but this chirp was just loud enough to be heard, which means I’d be drifting off to sleep and then every twenty seconds or whatever I’d be jerked back awake wondering, “What was that?”

I eventually managed to sleep, and when I woke up I didn’t hear it anymore.  I went to work, and the next day I was going to bed when I heard it start chirping again.  So I was rather pissed wondering why this neighbor hadn’t replaced the battery.  I went down to the second floor and listened outside doors trying to figure out who it was, so I knew who to leave a note for.  But I couldn’t hear it.  I was a bit confused, but when I went to go back up to my apartment, I heard it again: coming from my apartment.  For the fourth or so time, I checked my smoke detector, but it was fine.  I then went to each room and listened, and I eventually found the source.

As I said, this was an old house that had rather high ceilings.  Well, whenever they updated the heating system, they had run the ducts just under the old ceiling and hung a drop ceiling to cover it all up.  What they also covered up was an old smoke detector just outside my bedroom door.  It had been there for, who knows how many years, until the battery finally died and ruined two days of sleep for me.