“A Snowball’s Chance”
“Hello, and welcome to
Hell.”
“Excuse me?”
“Let me guess, you were a
good person who led a good life, you don’t belong here, blah-blah-blah,
blah-blah-blah-blah.”
“Well, yes.”
“Well, you still weren’t
good enough and were sent here.”
“But where are the pits
of fire and all that?”
“Ever hear of Global
Warming? As you humans warmed the
planet, more and more of you became accustomed to the hot, humid, heat of Hell
Classic. So about a decade ago, the Big
Man decided to make a change. Hell froze
over. Instead of being jabbed with
flaming pitchforks, you now get ice water enemas. Instead of swimming in a boiling pool for all
eternity, you now have to shovel snow for all of eternity. And instead of demons nibbling off your toes,
you now lose them to frostbite.
“Welcome to Hell Zero …
Degrees. Don’t you just hate it?”
***
Several years ago, I was
on a now defunct site where you posted stuff and got paid for visits, replies,
etc. As a way to get people to come
back, I started doing monthly writing challenges. I’d give a list of five words at the start of
the month and ask people to write a story using all of them. To show that it could be done, I’d have to
write a story myself. For one month I
had the words: heat, humid, hot, hate, and hello. I just started with, “Hello and welcome to
Hell,” and it just sort of went from there.
I was looking at my stories from that site, and liked this one enough I
figured I should repost it.
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