I wasn’t really interested in watching either of these shows because, well, the trailers made them look bad. I’ve now watched the first 2 1/2 episodes of The Orville and the first two episodes of Discovery, and while I may watch more in the future, I really have no plans to do so.
After I watched the first episode of The Orville, my thoughts were that it was the first draft of a sub-par Star Trek episode that instead of doing revisions to tighten the plot, develop the characters more, or punch up the dialogue, they just sprinkled in bad “jokes.” And I say “jokes” because that’s what they are. For example, in the first episode they arrive at this science outpost and they call up the director. The Captain and First Office talk with the director for a bit, then go down to meet with him. While this is going on, in the background of the director’s office is a dog licking his balls. Nobody says anything about this, and for a moment I wondered if it was going to be like Airplane where some of the movie’s best humor is the unexplained bizarre shit going on in the background. But once the Captain and First Office leave to go down to the planet, the camera pans over to two other characters who go, “Did you see that dog licking his balls?” “First thing I saw.” Having to call attention to the “joke” is as bad as having to explain the joke.
So if I’m not impressed with the humor of The Orville, how about the scifi bits? They’re basic and not that interesting. I mean, the second episode was your Basic Plot #156c, where a character is unexpectedly thrust into command and they make the wrong decisions and everyone things they can’t handle it, but in the end they dig deep and win over everyone and the day is saved. It’s something we’ve seen a thousand times before, and there wasn’t anything making it a unique version.
And I only watched the second episode because I saw a bunch of things on Twitter and Facebook about how great the third episode was. The third episode does deal with an important issue, but I’m not a fan of ham-fisted social commentary. And it felt like I was being beaten by a whole pig.
Now about Star Trek: Discovery. First off, the Klingons. I don’t care for the reimagined Klingons. I’m sure I had seen a few of the Original Series episodes as a kid, but I grew up with Star Trek with the original movies and The Next Generation. So I’m used to the TNG Klingon design. I understand that the reason the Klingons changed was that they now had a budget for the makeup. Fine. There was no need to “explain” the difference. Then came “Trials and Tribble-ations” where someone didn’t recognize the Original Series Klingons and Worf just said something like, “It’s not something we talk about.” If they had just CGId forehead ridges onto the old guys, or inserted new Klingons in place of the old ones, people would have complained, but it wouldn’t have been an issue. Instead, it just made a mess. Like, weren’t there videos of the Federation and Klingon Empire signing treaties or something that would be shown in schools? You’d think such a major change would have been … noticed. It’s like if during the 1960’s the Russians spoke Portuguese. It would be an odd bit of trivia that would be the basis for a thousand YouTube videos.
Anyway, Enterprise explained the change as some genetic mutation, or something, which … good enough. It was a shitty situation, but they made the best of it. So what’s with the new Klingons? It feels like if they had gone with the Original Series Klingon design, the old fans would have applauded them for keeping the continuity, but the “Powers That Be” were worried that the general public would look at them and go, “That looks stupid.” So they made demon Klingons to be “scary.” It would be like if they made Vulcans eight feet tall and purple, just to make sure people knew they were aliens. And then they claim this is still in continuity, and I’m like, “Bullshit. You painted yourselves into a corner, and then shot yourself in the foot. You did something stupid, and I don’t have to like it.”
So other than that, what did I think of the first two episodes? Meh. It was like, “Wow, the people behind this generic scifi action shows are running a risk of being sued by the Star Trek people for using Klingons, Vulcans, photon torpedoes, etc. Wait, this is Star Trek? You mean, like bad fanfic Star Trek, right?”
What did I actually think of the story? Um, contrived. I mean, what exactly was Klingon guy’s plan? We’ll damage this relay, then when a Federation ship arrives to fix it, we’ll just stay cloaked for hours doing nothing, waiting for one of them to fly out in a spacesuit and clumsily kill one of our guys and then wait several more hours until, wait, what? I mean, what would have happened if the Shenzhou had just fixed the relay and left? Would they have had to damage it again? It would have made more sense for the Klingon guy to set off the beacon when the Shenzhou arrived so that tons of Klingon ships would show up and have the shit hit the fan. But then we wouldn’t have had the all-important Burnham flying through space scene.