Random Story – Y’all Need Jesus

This is just an odd little story from my life.

So I have a crappy, essential, retail job.  We have several signs in the store saying that customers need to wear masks, but it is a rural, middle of nowhere place, and only about half the customers do.  And I think corporate sees it as if we piss off the rednecks, we’ll lose half our business, so we don’t say anything.

This story happened a month or so ago.  The first character was a little, older lady of maybe sixty, who was wearing a mask.  The second character was a guy in his thirties with what I assume was his ten year old son.  Neither of them wore a mask.  The lady said something to the man, I didn’t hear exactly what, but I think it was along the lines of wearing a mask would help protect his son.  The guy didn’t yell, he just spoke at a notch or two above normal speaking voice so his son standing five feet away could easily hear him, but he said, “Why don’t you go out to the parking lot and get hit by a fucking truck.” Then he muttered a notch or two below his normal speaking voice, “Cunt.” The lady didn’t reply, she just walked away. 

The last piece of information for this story, is that the guy was wearing a shirt that read – with large letters – “Y’all Need Jesus.”

Perhaps it was best that Trump won in 2016

Hear me out.

A few days ago I had an idea for an alternate history story where Clinton won in 2016.  The main point of the story was that Republicans would be outraged at her handling of the pandemic.  They would say that because she had “allowed” say, 50,000 Americans to die that she had failed in her responsibilities as President.  I was thinking about this and then I wondered what Republican would face her in 2020.

If Trump had lost in 2016, would he have gracefully accepted his defeat?  Fuck no.  He would have spent four years claiming the election had been rigged and stolen from him.  He would hold rallies, and marches, and would appear on Fox News hundreds of times saying that Clinton wasn’t the legitimate President.  And given his appeal to the MAGAs, would any Republican challenge him for the nomination and would 2020 have been a rematch?

With Democrats staying home because of the pandemic and not waiting in line for four years to get rid of Trump, could he have won in 2020?  And then when the vaccines come out in 2021, he would – naturally – take credit.  And you think the MAGA cult is intolerable now?

Trump unleashed countless horrors on America and the world in his time as President, but if he had lost in 2016 only to make a glorious comeback in 2020, could things have been worse?

Big Election Sale

I had a plan to have ten of my Kindle ebooks on sale leading up to the election.  The hope was that maybe somebody would download one of my books so they would have something to read while they waited in line to vote.  So that was the plan, but then I started seeing all these posts of people waiting in line for ten hours or more to vote early.  My big sale that wouldn’t start until the end of the month wouldn’t help them, so I’m now doing four smaller sales from now through the election.  This post will show which books are free to download when.  So if you’re going to be waiting in line, hopefully something of mine will strike your fancy and help pass the time.  And if you’ve already voted, then reward yourself.  And if you’re not an American citizen, then be sure to vote in your country’s elections.  Democracy only works if the people participate.

Thursday October 15 through Monday October 19

A Man of Few Words

 

A Man of Few Words is a collection of fifty flash fiction stories by Stephen L. Thompson. What would really happen if a “T-Rex on steroids” attacked a city? Why do science fiction writers make the best lovers? How does a company get to Second Base with VIPs? These questions and more are explored by Stephen using less than 1000 words and in various genres from humor to horror and general fiction to science fiction.

The majority of the stories were previously published (most by Stephen himself on his website) but all were revised for this collection. In addition, each piece is accompanied by some background information on the origin of the story or a funny tale about the writing of it to give a fuller experience.

The Moon Before Mars

Over the last few years a lot of people have caught Mars fever. It seems a week doesn’t go by without a report of some new group wanting to send people to Mars, or some big name in the industry talking about why we have to go to Mars, or articles talking about the glorious future humanity will have on Mars. All of this worries Stephen L. Thompson. In his opinion, a Mars base is currently not sustainable because there’s no way for it to make money. A few missions may fly doing extraordinary science, but if it’s then cancelled for cost the whole Mars Project may just be seen as an expensive stunt.

Fortunately, there are other places in the solar system besides Mars. While bases on the moon and amongst the asteroids won’t be as inspirational as one on Mars, they will have opportunities for businesses to make goods and services as well as profits, meaning less chance of them being outright cancelled. This will make life better on Earth and secure a firm foothold in space for humanity. The essays in “The Moon Before Mars: Why returning to the moon makes more sense than rushing off to Mars” allow Mister Thompson to describe his ideas on what can be accomplished on the moon and with the asteroids, and why Mars isn’t the destiny of humanity its cheerleaders make it out to be.

Tuesday October 20 through Saturday October 24

Lonely Phoenix

 

Partway to a new colony world, board member Geoffrey Ames is woken from hibernation by the caretaking crew of the Lucian. They require him to look into the matter of their fellow crewman Morgan Heller. Morgan’s claims – such as being over 1500 years old – would normally land him in the psychiatric ward, except he can back up some of his other claims.

The Only Certainty

 

On The Day, for reasons unknown, people began changing. They went to sleep as their old selves and woke in their beds in different bodies: bodies that had belonged to other people. And each time they fall asleep, they wake in a new body. Set months later, “The Only Certainty” follows Derrick Gorton on an average day in this new world as he deals with food shortages, the semi-collapse of society, and how to finish his latest novel.

Sunday October 25 through Thursday October 29

Relics

 

This work contains some profanity and sexual situations. It is intended for mature audiences only.

A plague that kills men has devastated the world’s population. Only a few thousand boys and men were able to be quarantined. But Mike Shay is the only man known to have a natural immunity to the plague. Therefore, he is practically the only man in a world of women. He spends his days reading, playing video games, and making the occasional sperm donation. Then Dr. Veronica Barrett shows up, disrupting what passes for his life. She says she’s there to investigate his “mental wellbeing,” but is there more to her visit?

Instead of the normal, adolescent, heterosexual male fantasy of being the only guy on a planet of women, “Relics” tries to give a more realistic view of Mike’s life.

Seventh Story Stockpile

 

Over the years, Stephen L. Thompson has posted several short stories on websites that later – for one reason or another – died. While the corpses of some of these sites are still around where you can read his stories, many have vanished from the internet. And since there are few sites that will publish such previously published works, the only way you could read them was if he self-published them in a collection.

In addition to such “lost” stories, he’s included some new stories that – for one reason or another – he felt he’d have a hard time finding someone to publish them. So “Seventh Story Stockpile” basically contains stories he didn’t know what to do with. But now he can move on to other projects.

Friday October 30 through Tuesday November 3

Political Pies

 

Everybody complains about politics, but does anyone do anything about it? Stephen L. Thompson’s attempt to do something about it is to collect forty of his short stories with a political element into his Political Pies anthology. His stories are either politically neutral or equally condemning of the national parties. Instead of trying to sway you to one ideology or another, his goal is to just get people thinking about politics in the hopes a rose might grow out of all the political manure.

The All-You-Can-Read Buffet

 

The All-You-Can-Read Buffet is a collection of forty stories covering various genres and themes ranging from six to over 4,200 words in length. Some of these stories Stephen L. Thompson began writing a decade ago, while others were written especially for this collection. All together, they are a buffet of his writing. As such, he encourage you to read as much as you want. Go back for seconds, thirds, fourths even. He won’t even mind if you skip over the stuff you don’t like, but, to quote your mother, “How do you know you don’t like it? Have you tried it?”

The Future is Coming

 

As a science fiction writer, Stephen L. Thompson has spent a lot of time thinking about how technology will change the way we live. He has come up with these ten short essays about science fictional elements that will – almost certainly – one day become science fact as a way for people to start coming to terms with them. Because he has spent time thinking about clones and AIs, Stephen feels that he’ll be okay when they do finally show up whereas most people will probably freak out. He hopes his essays will get people to start thinking about the future because, no matter what we do, the future is coming.

Duty

For reasons of safety and avoiding paradoxes, Time Travel Incorporated assigns a Guardian to all its travelers. So when there is an accident during political historian Roj Hasol’s trip back to 1968, it’s his Guardian Susan who sets out on the arduous task of cleaning up the mess.

Short story – “For the People?”

“For the People?”

“Senator Gabis, you have the reputation of giving your campaign speeches all from memory, without a teleprompter or even notes.  How do you manage that?”

“It’s simple.” Gabis touched a finger to his temple and said, “The aliens implanted a memory chip in my brain which gives me perfect memory.” Gabis paused for a second, watching the shock spread across the reporter’s face, before going into a deep laugh.

He laughed for a few seconds, then said, “Seriously, I’ve always had a head for numbers: in sixth grade I could recite baseball stats for hours.  When I put that talent to more practical uses – such as my schoolwork – my grades went up.  And having a good memory really helped me when I played Laertes in Hamlet my senior year.” Gabis leaned forward and held up a hand. “Before you ask,” he said, “I believe all copies of my performance have been burned.”

With a chuckle, he sat back and continued.  “I know some people have a ‘system’ to help their memories, but whatever I use is just what I’ve found works for me.  And I’ve been doing it so long, it just comes naturally.  But to destroy the myth, I do use notes when I give me speeches.  Mostly to make sure I stay on track, because I do have a tendency to ramble.”

“I’m sure having such a good memory has helped being a Senator?”

“Definitely.  But I think the bigger help was learning to speed read.  There are tons of reports and memos that come through our offices every day, on top of 800 page bills.  All Senators have aides and interns who wade through all that paperwork and give a CliffsNotes version of everything.  Even I do that, but I do read every bill I vote on.  All of that is good practice because – hopefully – next January I’ll be sworn in as President, and the number of reports and memos Presidents deal with dwarf those of a Senator.  Then I’ll probably wish I really did have an alien chip to help me remember everything.”

#

Gabis nodded to his security and said, “Goodnight Bill.”

“Goodnight Senator.”

Gabis closed the door of the hotel room and walked over to the bar.  As he poured himself a scotch, a voice asked, “Was it wise to joke about us?”

Gabis turned around and – as he took a sip – studied the creature standing by his bed.  It was a rail thin humanoid about five feet tall, but with a dark green shell instead of skin.  Its head was bald except for a thick, frond sticking up from the very top.  And it didn’t wear any clothes, but if it had genitalia Gabis couldn’t identify them.

“One thing we humans love,” Gabis explained, “are conspiracy theories.  If you dig into the internet hard enough, you’ll probably find a blog or video of someone – last week – claiming that I was an agent of the Lizard People, or something.  But now, if anyone makes any remark like that, the reports will go back to this – obvious – joke, and we’ll all laugh at the nutcases who couldn’t figure that out.”

The creature looked at him with its too large, deep blue eyes for several moments.  Then the translator crystal on its chest pulsed with a yellow glow.  “You are a most unusual species.  We’ll allow this … indiscretion, but make sure there are no more.”

Gabis bit his bottom lip, then bowed.  “Of course.”

There was a flash of blue light, and when Gabis looked up the creature was gone.  He went to finish his scotch, but instead set it back on the bar.

He stripped out of his clothes and flopped back on the bed.  He then tapped his temple three times, and activated the implant to download the day’s report.  Everything his opponent had said – as well as everything said by all the surrogates on both sides, all the commentators, all the poll watchers, even all the blogs that mentioned the election – was dumped into Gabis’ mind.  All to be sorted and compartmentalized to further stack the election deck in his favor.

Not for the first time, Gabis wondered why the aliens were so eager to get him into the White House.

***

I first wrote this story in 2014 and posted it on a site that’s no longer around.  I’m reposting it now because, well, when else am I going to post a story about someone running for President with some sketchy help?

Thoughts on Trump having coronavirus

 My first reaction to the news was Nelson's "Ha Ha!" But then, I hoped he and Melania get better.  Mostly because I want him to stand trial for his numerous misdeeds.  But also because his death would just cause all the rightwing nutjobs to launch a holy war in his name.  And telling them that this was a disease that he didn't take seriously and thus paid the consequences for won't do anything.  Because we all know that if Trump went on live TV and shot himself in the head, there are people who would say - and believe - that he was assassinated by Antifa.  And the dumpster fire is bad enough as it is.

Vote for the lesser of two evils

Many years ago, I realized that we don’t vote for the best candidate for President, because – to be honest – the best candidate isn’t on the ballot.  Instead we vote for the one we hope will fuck things up the least.  Now some will whine that voting for the lesser of two evils is why things are so bad.  But our election system is rather shitty to begin with, even before it was basically broken.  I mean, my choice this November is between someone who will throw gas on the burning dumpster, someone who will at least try to put out the dumpster fire, or some pixy that – according to their supporters – will be able to fix everything in the country with their magic wand, except it’s a two party system and they have zero chance of winning.  Given those choices, I’ll be pragmatic and vote for the one who will try to put out the dumpster fire.

Do I think Biden will make a great President?  No.  Was he my first choice?  Fuck no.  I was hoping for Warren.  Of course, it didn’t really matter.  For one, I have no party affiliation, so I can’t vote in the primaries, and two, I live in Pennsylvania and by the time we have our primary the nominee is pretty much already decided.  Another aspect of how our system is broken.

Now I’ve seen some posts on Facebook and Twitter about progressives upset about how Biden/The Democratic Party “isn’t doing enough to win their vote.” But put yourself in the shoes of the Democratic Party.  They want to bring together more voters.  They look to the left and see people saying, “We have these forty-seven demands, and if you don’t accept all forty-seven, THEN WE WILL NOT VOTE FOR YOUR CANDIDATE.” The Party then looks to the right and sees people going, “We just want a President who won’t start World War III over a Twitter feud.” And the Democratic Party goes, “We can do that.” And then progressives are like, “They’re not even trying to win my vote.”

A large part of why things are so shitty and broken, is because there is no viable third choice.  And yes, when I was young I did protest the 2000 Election by voting for Nader.  (Pennsylvania still went for Gore, so it’s not my fault.)  But did that accomplish anything?  I’ve recently decided that – even though I want a viable third, fourth, fifth party – I won’t vote for a President unless they are in a party that has at least ten members in the House and one Senator.  Because the whole point in trying to elect a third party candidate is so they can do something.  But why should Republicans or Democrats follow the lead of a Third Party President?  Did they follow the lead of Obama or Trump? 

So how can a third party become viable so I’ll consider voting for their Presidential candidate?  By a lot of hard work getting their message out and building on successes.  First they win some elections at the local level, then the state, and then Members of Congress.  It will be a lot of slow, incremental steps. 

Now some will say that slow, incremental steps won’t fix the problems we have now and we need big, fast changes.  Well, big, fast changes in the political world are usually called revolutions.  Before anyone starts cheering, let me remind you that revolutions are often bloody and have unintended consequences.  I mean, the French revolted against their King, and a few years later they had an Emperor.  The oft discussed Bolshevik Revolution was the second revolution in Russia, that year.  And before you say the American Revolution was perfect, was it?  I mean, the first government formed after it flopped and had to be replace by one that had some issues that led to a Civil War and the case could be made is the root for many of the problems we have today.  (Cough, Electoral College.)

All of this is because there is no “End” in politics.  There’s no bill that can be passed that will magically fix everything for the rest of time.  Every solution to a problem creates new problems.  And if your only solution to problems is revolution, then you’re asking for a lifetime of bloody revolutions, counterrevolutions, counter-counterrevolutions, ad infinitum.  Or you can go for the less dramatic, less sexy, slow, incremental steps way towards fixing problems.  And if you accept that, then the first step has to be putting out the goddamn dumpster fire.  Without that, all your other plans are meaningless.

Register to vote/Check your voter status

It seems every four years the political talking heads come out and say that “This election is the most important election of the modern era.” And you know what, for 2020, they might actually be right.  Because whether you think everything is hunky-dory, or you think the best description of the country is a dumpster fire, there will be major repercussions whoever wins this November.

Now you could just sit back and say, “Why bother voting when the system is broken?” Well, one aspect of why the system is broken is because too many people don’t bother being a part of it.  The only way to have a government that reflects the country is if the majority of the people participated in choosing that government.  Our government is not perfect – it’s very, very far from perfect – but not voting is you saying you’ll just take whatever happens.  And if you don’t like what you’re given, well, you can’t complain because you had the chance to make your voice heard and chose not to.

The way to make your voice heard is to register to vote.  How to register should be laid out on your state’s website.  But even if you’ve already registered, you should take the time to check your registration status, which I think is an option on most state websites.  (You may also wish to double check on your polling place.)  An important reason to do this now, is that there are several reasons why your status could be wrong: you moved and forgot to update it, a clerical error, or maybe you were caught up in an overly enthusiastic purge.  Whatever the reason, if you check now and find a problem you can get it all worked out before Election Day.  Election Day is hectic enough without people waiting in line only to find out there’s an issue.

So register to vote, or check your status, so everything will be in order come November 3rd and you can make sure your voice will be heard, in this, the most important election of the modern era.

Short story – “You Didn’t Pray Hard Enough”

“You Didn’t Pray Hard Enough”

An older man walked alone down a sidewalk.  Two young women – one recording everything with her phone – ran after him.  “Reverend Williams,” the one not recording called out.

The Reverend stopped and turned.  “Yes?”

The two women ran up and stopped before him.  “Reverend Williams.  My name is Ashley Carter and this is my sister Tina.”

Tina waved with the hand not holding her phone and said, “Hi.”

“We drove all the way from Kansas to see you,” Ashley explained.

“Oh?”

“We want to talk to you about what you said concerning the tragedy in Hays.”

The Reverend glanced around the sidewalk and said, “My dear lady, this is neither the time nor place to discuss theological issues.”

“This won’t take long,” Ashley said, “because in thirty seconds, I’m going to slap you.” She then held her phone up and started a countdown timer.

“What?”

“In … twenty-five seconds, I’m going to slap you.  Unless you pray to have God stop me.”

“That is absurd.”

“According to you, Reverend, if the people of Hays had prayed more, God would have stopped that tornado from destroying the town.  So surely God can stop a young girl from slapping someone.”

“Young lady, this is foolish.”

“All that gibber-gabber and you should be praying.”

“This is ridiculous.” The Reverend started walking away.

“Is your faith in God so weak you won’t even face a simple challenge?”

The Reverend turned back.  “Young lady,” he shouted.  “One does not challenge God to prove His power.”

“So you admit, telling people they can ‘Pray away a tornado’ was stupid advice.  So why say it?  Five, four, three, two, one.” Less hard than she could – but hard enough to be felt – Ashley slapped the Reverend’s face.

The Reverend staggered back a step.

Ashley stepped close and lowered her voice.  “If you had any decency, you would sell all the trinkets in your church and give the money to those in need in Hays.  You would then go and beg forgiveness from them for your idiotic, offensive, repugnant, dickish comments.  If you had any decency.”

***

I first wrote this story seven years ago (you can still read the original version here) after some evangelical asshat basically blamed the victims of a tornado for not praying enough.  And I figured that since there are a lot of evangelical asshats today saying stuff like you don’t need to wear a mask, just pray, I figured it was time to bring it back.

Register to vote/Check your voter status

It seems every four years the political talking heads come out and say that “This election is the most important election of the modern era.” And you know what, for 2020, they might actually be right.  Because whether you think everything is hunky-dory, or you think the best description of the country is a dumpster fire, there will be major repercussions whoever wins this November.

Now you could just sit back and say, “Why bother voting when the system is broken?” Well, one aspect of why the system is broken is because too many people don’t bother being a part of it.  The only way to have a government that reflects the country is if the majority of the people participated in choosing that government.  Our government is not perfect – it’s very, very far from perfect – but not voting is you saying you’ll just take whatever happens.  And if you don’t like what you’re given, well, you can’t complain because you had the chance to make your voice heard and chose not to.

The way to make your voice heard is to register to vote.  How to register should be laid out on your state’s website.  But even if you’ve already registered, you should take the time to check your registration status, which I think is an option on most state websites.  (You may also wish to double check on your polling place.)  An important reason to do this now, is that there are several reasons why your status could be wrong: you moved and forgot to update it, a clerical error, or maybe you were caught up in an overly enthusiastic purge.  Whatever the reason, if you check now and find a problem you can get it all worked out before Election Day.  Election Day is hectic enough without people waiting in line only to find out there’s an issue.

So register to vote, or check your status, so everything will be in order come November 3rd and you can make sure your voice will be heard, in this, the most important election of the modern era.