Short story – “How Did They Get Our Number?”

“How Did They Get Our Number?”

“There he is.”

Mario waved to his three friends sitting at an outside table of the Brew Haus.  “Hey guys.  Sorry I’m late, I had a hell of a time finding a parking spot.”

Jason replied, “Sure, sure.  We were talking about the big tackle last night.  What did you think?”

“Oh, it was a thing of beauty.”

Greg shook his head.  “You’re just happy that it wasn’t-”

A piercing tone filled the air, causing everyone to clap their hands over their ears, although that didn’t seem to help.

After a few seconds it stopped.  Then what sounded like a computerized woman’s voice began speaking.  “Greetings sentient beings of Planet 23411341234.978.  I am,” what followed sounded like a slowed down version of a cat in a blender.  The voice then continued, “I am broadcasting this message to the minds of all sentients on the planet.  I represent this sector of the galaxy in the Galactic Congress.  We have just become aware of your existence and welcome you to the community of planets.  I’m sure you have many questions, and as your representative, I will work to answer them and help you in any way I can.  We will be in touch with further information.”

For several seconds there was only silence.  Mario looked at his friends.  “Did you all-”

Before he could finish, there was another piercing tone.  Then a different computerized female voice said, “Greetings sentient beings of Planet 23411341234.978.  I am,” this time the following sound was an ear-splitting screech.  The voice went on with, “I am running to replace [cat in blender sound] as your representative.  [Cat in blender sound] has repeatedly failed this sector of the galaxy by advocating war with the Andromeda Galaxy and fighting against the rights of,” then came what sounded like a drawn-out fart.  “The election,” the voice continued, “is only 8.7 of your years away, but I hope I can count on your support.  I will be sending you additional information shortly.”

“This has to be some kind of joke,” Jason said.

“But who would-” Mario began, but he was cut off by another piercing tone.

A computerized male voice began, “Greetings sentient beings of Planet 23411341234.978.  I am ….”

***

I first wrote this story back in the spring of 2012.  Back in those days, a never-ending stream of political ads seemed like one of the worst things politics could do to us.  Oh, for a simpler age.

The things I think about: tasty humans

This is an idea I had years ago that I wrote up, but didn’t do anything with.  I think I wanted to do a series of these blogs, but never wrote any more and this just got buried under all my other half-finished blog posts.  I recently discovered it, and figured I might as well use it.

I think this is a really weird idea and someone – possibly me if I ever get around to it – could make a good story out of it.  But here goes.  What if, one day these aliens (We’ll call them Aliens X) show up and announce that after scanning a human with some medical device, they believe these other aliens (Aliens Y) would find humans tasty.  Aliens X would then ask if they could purchase some human meat to sell to Aliens Y to see if they find it pleasant and would like some more.  Now Aliens X are not evil.  They don’t want to gather up humans in their prime and send them to a slaughterhouse, all they are asking for are medical waste and donated corpses.  What I was thinking about, was if Aliens Y do find human a delicacy, would people sign contracts so that when they die, Aliens X would pay their families so many Galactic Credits per pound?  Would there be a market?  Would you sign up for it?

Voter registration drive and book sale

It seems every other year here in the US we face an election that WILL DETERMINE THE VERY SURVIVAL OF THE NATION.  And after going through this for the last five or six never-ending election cycles, there is a strong desire to just listen to music and play video games.  But to be a buzzkill, elections are important in that they will determine the intensity of the dumpster fire we end up in.  So I’ve come up with a deal: if you take a few minutes to register to vote, or confirm your voter registration, you can grab any – or all – of these six ebooks on Kindle for free.  Admittedly, there’s no way for me to know if you register or not, so we’re just working on the honor system.

How do you register to vote or check your registration?  You can either do it through your state’s website, or on a site like Vote411.  I don’t know how long it takes to actually register to vote since it’s something I haven’t dealt with since the last time I moved over ten years ago.  But checking your registration only takes a couple minutes.  The reason you should check your registration is that the lists of voters needs constant updating as people register, move, and die.  And even without nefarious voter purges, it’s possible for mistakes to happen.  If a mistake is caught early, it can be fixed early, and things can go smoother on Election Day.  You don’t want to find out you’re not registered after waiting in line for eight hours. 

If you’re reading this but don’t live in the US, then you can still grab my ebooks for free, I’ll just ask that you do whatever is necessary for you to participate in your political system.  If you live in a dictatorship where you can’t participate in your political system, I won’t ask how you managed to get online.

The following six ebooks will be free from Monday February 21st, through Friday February 25th.  But you can register to vote or check your registration anytime.

Political Pies

Everybody complains about politics, but does anyone do anything about it? Stephen L. Thompson’s attempt to do something about it is to collect forty of his short stories with a political element into his Political Pies anthology. His stories are either politically neutral or equally condemning of the national parties. Instead of trying to sway you to one ideology or another, his goal is to just get people thinking about politics in the hopes a rose might grow out of all the political manure.

Duty

For reasons of safety and avoiding paradoxes, Time Travel Incorporated assigns a Guardian to all its travelers. So when there is an accident during political historian Roj Hasol’s trip back to 1968, it’s his Guardian Susan who sets out on the arduous task of cleaning up the mess.

A Man of Few Words

A Man of Few Words is a collection of fifty flash fiction stories by Stephen L. Thompson. What would really happen if a “T-Rex on steroids” attacked a city? Why do science fiction writers make the best lovers? How does a company get to Second Base with VIPs? These questions and more are explored by Stephen using less than 1000 words and in various genres from humor to horror and general fiction to science fiction.

The majority of the stories were previously published (most by Stephen himself on his website) but all were revised for this collection. In addition, each piece is accompanied by some background information on the origin of the story or a funny tale about the writing of it to give a fuller experience.

Brain for Rent and other stories

Brain for Rent and other stories is a collection of five of my short scifi stories to give a sampling of my writing. The collection includes: “Brain for Rent” about a ne’re-do-well failed writer with a conceptual implant who discusses his work with a young woman thinking of getting an implant herself. “The Demonstration” is about a different young woman wanting to show off her latest body modification. “Self Imprisonment” offers one solution of safe keeping the backup copy of yourself. “The Best Job Ever” is about a necessary – yet unpleasant – human/alien interaction. And the collection ends with “Why Stay?” which explains why, after years of fighting the humans, the robots just deactivate.

An Ounce of Prevention

Like most people, Jason Fisher wanted to make the world a better place, but he doubted he would ever have the chance to make much of a mark. Then a “woman” came to him, asking his help to save humanity by threatening it.

The Most Powerful Man in the World and other stories

The Most Powerful Man in the World and other stories is a collection of five, short, scifi stories to provide a sample of my writing.

A being from the distant future with almost unlimited powers comes back to help Ian Steele make the world a better place in “The Most Powerful Man in the World.” One bookstore customer has an entirely different reason for wanting books in “Black Market Books.” “Motherhood” tells the story of Thomas Gillespie, the surrogate mother for a baby AI. “Storyteller” is about an author thinking his book into existence. And “Deadworld” is about the alien world humans are reborn on – in alien bodies – after we die.

Thanksgiving Sale!

So it’s Thanksgiving, if you live in the US.  Which means you only have a few weeks left to spend your hard earned money on mostly useless crap.  I know things have been crazy for the last couple of years, so as an early holiday gift, here are five of my ebooks you can download for free.  And the best thing is, you can get them instantly: you don’t have to wait for them to sail across the ocean and get through a crowded port. 

You can get this all for the price of a click from Wednesday November 24th, through Sunday November 28th.  I hope you all have a safe and happy holiday season, and I hope you enjoy anything of mine you read.

A Man of Few Words

A Man of Few Words is a collection of fifty of my flash fiction stories. What would really happen if a “T-Rex on steroids” attacked a city? Why do science fiction writers make the best lovers? How does a company get to Second Base with VIPs? I explore these questions and more using less than 1000 words and in various genres from humor to horror and general fiction to science fiction.

The majority of the stories were previously published (most on my website) but all were revised for this collection. In addition, each piece is accompanied by some background information on the origin of the story or a funny tale about the writing of it to give a fuller experience.

The Moon Before Mars

Over the last few years a lot of people have caught Mars fever. It seems a week doesn’t go by without a report of some new group wanting to send people to Mars, or some big name in the industry talking about why we have to go to Mars, or articles talking about the glorious future humanity will have on Mars. All of this worries me. In my opinion, a Mars base is currently not sustainable because there’s no way for it to make money. A few missions may fly doing extraordinary science, but if it’s then cancelled for cost the whole Mars Project may just be seen as an expensive stunt.

Fortunately, there are other places in the solar system besides Mars. While bases on the moon and amongst the asteroids won’t be as “inspirational” as one on Mars, they will have opportunities for businesses to make goods and services as well as profits, meaning less chance of them being outright cancelled. This will make life better on Earth and secure a firm foothold in space for humanity. The essays in The Moon Before Mars: Why returning to the moon makes more sense than rushing off to Mars allow me to describe my ideas on what can be accomplished on the moon and with the asteroids, and why Mars isn’t the destiny of humanity its cheerleaders make it out to be.

Lonely Phoenix

Partway to a new colony world, board member Geoffrey Ames is woken from hibernation by the caretaking crew of the Lucian. They require him to look into the matter of their fellow crewman Morgan Heller. Morgan’s claims – such as being over 1500 years old – would normally land him in the psychiatric ward, except he can back up some of his other claims.

Brain for Rent and other stories

Brain for Rent and other stories is a collection of five of my short scifi stories to give a sampling of my writing. The collection includes: “Brain for Rent” about a ne’re-do-well failed writer with a conceptual implant who discusses his work with a young woman thinking of getting an implant herself. “The Demonstration” is about a different young woman wanting to show off her latest body modification. “Self Imprisonment” offers one solution of safe keeping the backup copy of yourself. “The Best Job Ever” is about a necessary – yet unpleasant – human/alien interaction. And the collection ends with “Why Stay?” which explains why, after years of fighting the humans, the robots just deactivate.

An Ounce of Prevention

Like most people, Jason Fisher wanted to make the world a better place, but he doubted he would ever have the chance to make much of a mark. Then a “woman” came to him, asking his help to save humanity by threatening it.

Useless Cogs

I have just published my eighth short story collection.  “Useless Cogs” contains forty, science fiction stories that range from only a few dozen words to a few thousand and are filled with time travelers, AIs, clones, aliens, even sexbots, although not often as you would imagine.  As examples, there’s a time traveler that’s always a step behind, an AI that’s late on rent, and a sexbot with bad software.  Some of the stories are humorous, some horrifying, and some … depend on your point of view.  You can get it on Kindle for only $1.99, or the equivalent.

Fourth of July Sale!

For the last few years, I’ve tried to have a free sale for my ebook of political stories, Political Pies, around the Fourth of July.  But this year – because of everything – I figured I’d include a few of my other ebooks as well.  So if you are so disgusted with real politics you don’t want to even read fictional politics, you have a few other choices.  All of these will be free to download from Wednesday July 1st, through Sunday July 5th.  So grab them before you get too drunk.

Political Pies

Everybody complains about politics, but does anyone do anything about it? My attempt to do something about it is to collect forty of my short stories with a political element into this anthology. The stories are either politically neutral or equally condemning of the national parties. Instead of trying to sway you to one ideology or another, my goal is to just get people thinking about politics in the hopes a rose might grow out of all the political manure.

A Man of Few Words

A Man of Few Words is a collection of fifty of my flash fiction stories. What would really happen if a “T-Rex on steroids” attacked a city? Why do science fiction writers make the best lovers? How does a company get to Second Base with VIPs? I explore these questions and more using less than 1000 words and in various genres from humor to horror and general fiction to science fiction.

The Moon Before Mars: Why returning to the moon makes more sense than rushing off to Mars

Over the last few years a lot of people have caught Mars fever. It seems a week doesn’t go by without a report of some new group wanting to send people to Mars, or some big name in the industry talking about why we have to go to Mars, or articles talking about the glorious future humanity will have on Mars. All of this worries me. In my opinion, a Mars base is currently not sustainable because there’s no way for it to make money. A few missions may fly doing extraordinary science, but if it’s then cancelled for cost the whole Mars Project may just be seen as an expensive stunt.

Fortunately, there are other places in the solar system besides Mars. While bases on the moon and amongst the asteroids won’t be as inspirational as one on Mars, they will have opportunities for businesses to make goods and services as well as profits, meaning less chance of them being outright cancelled. This will make life better on Earth and secure a firm foothold in space for humanity. The essays in “The Moon Before Mars: Why returning to the moon makes more sense than rushing off to Mars” allow me to describe my ideas on what can be accomplished on the moon and with the asteroids, and why Mars isn’t the destiny of humanity its cheerleaders make it out to be.

Duty

Who cleans up the mess when the time machine malfunctions?

A Cabin Under a Cloudy Sea and other stories

Hopefully, in the not too distant future humans will return to the moon. We will build bases and colonies, make farms and factories, and live, love and learn. “A Cabin Under a Cloudy Sea and other stories” contains five of my short stories that are all set upon the moon. They give the tiniest glimpse of the possibilities awaiting us there.

An Ounce of Prevention

Several years ago, I finished my story “An Ounce of Prevention” about a being from the distant future who comes back to nudge humanity onto a better path with the help of a present day schlub.  At the time I was just getting into self-publishing and I didn’t know which ereader would be best, Kindle or Nook.  So I published some stories on Kindle, and “An Ounce of Prevention” on Nook.  I sold a couple copies, but it soon became clear that Kindle was the better option.  I kept “An Ounce of Prevention” on it just in case someone noticed it there, but also because I was too lazy to change it.  Eventually, last year I took it down, waited a few months, then revised the story.  Last week I then republished it for Kindle.

  

Here’s an excerpt:

Jason took a step back, and collapsed into his beanbag chair. For ten or fifteen seconds he just stared at the woman. Shaking his head, he asked, “Do you have a name?”

“You lack the organs to ‘speak’ let alone ‘hear’ my name.”

“Then what do I call you?”

The woman frowned. “Does it matter?”

Jason thought for a moment. Finally, he said, “I think I’m either okay with or just ignoring the fact that you’re not … human. But I think not having a name to call you bothers me on a … primal level, maybe, something.” He finished with a mumbled, “I don’t know.”

The woman nodded. “What would you like to call me?”

Jason looked over at his bookcase and on the second shelf down a tome by Tolstoy caught his attention. “Anna?” he asked.

“Anna it is.”

“Okay … Anna. Sit down.”

She moved some books off a chair and sat down facing him. For a second he was engrossed by her legs. He shook his head and looked back to her face. “Uh, do you want me to … take you to my leader?”

“If I wished to speak to your President, I would just walk into the White House.”

“The Secret Service would probably stop you.”

“They would fail.”

A shiver ran down Jason’s back. He sat up straight and asked, “Why have you come to me?”

“I believe you may be of some service to my mission.”

“Which is?”

“The salvation of the universe.”

It was several attempts before Jason could speak his question, “I could save the universe?”

Anna shook her head. “No. I could wipe out your species and the universe would not notice. My mission is to try to save several million insignificant species in the hope that collectively you’ll make a difference.”

#

If that sounds at all interesting, I hope you’ll check it out.

Movie Monday – Short film “Prospect” (2014)

My introductory post.  

“Prospect” on IMDB  

(This isn’t the trailer, it’s the whole movie.)

(Spoilers)

The movie follows this teenage girl and her father who are on this inhospitable planet.  They are there hunting for this substance I believe is called orlack, which is this alien goo that is apparently some sort of energy source.  They’ve collected a bunch of it, but need just a bit more before going home.

The dad is constantly grilling her on how to get back to their ship, how to fly it, what ships they can trust and which ones to avoid, all kinds of things in case something happens to him.  Then one day while she is out getting water, he is attacked by a bandit who steals the orlack.  Over the radio, he tells her to run to the ship and take off because his leg is broken and he won’t be able to follow her.  Instead, the girl runs back to their tent and sees the bandit shoot her father.  He isn’t killed, his faceplate is just broken and he’ll die from breathing the air. 

The girl drags her dad into the tent and gets him patched up a bit.  He tells her to go to the ship because other bandits have probably found it already.  Instead she grabs a gun and goes out to find the first bandit.  She shoots him a few times, and then takes off his faceplate and shoots him in the face.  The girl then drags her dad through the forest towards the ship, but then she sees it taking off in the distance.

#

I only did a quick search for this movie, but it seemed all the reviews I saw only talked about how great the location and cinematography were.  A few also mentioned that it was made for X thousand dollars, some of which apparently came from Kickstarter.  None really talked about the plot. 

My thoughts are that while the location and cinematography were great, the movie fell a little short.  It feels like the flashback bits of another movie of this girl trying to save her father and herself.  It’s rather ironic for me to say that.  I write short stories and I don’t know how many times people have commented that they wanted more, they felt my story was just the beginning of a longer story.  My feelings have always been that my stories deal with a specific thing, and are long enough to just get that one point across.  Doing more would dilute the point, or change it into something else.  So on one hand I can see how the filmmakers could be annoyed by people telling them their movie should have been longer, but on the other hand I’m not really seeing the point of their movie.  In my opinion, a movie showing the girl trying to save her father and herself with the scenes from “Prospect” as flashbacks would have been more interesting.

If for nothing else, you should still watch it to see a good example of using locations.