Thoughts on Star Trek: Discovery

When Star Trek: Discovery took its midseason break, I thought about writing up a post on how I would have done it.  But I was busy and … well, didn’t care enough.  I watched the first couple of episodes when it came back, but then I gave up on it.  I thought about writing up a post on why, but I was busy and … well, didn’t care enough.  I have a little time now, and I figured I should get it all out and be done with it.

How I would have done Discovery

If I had been asked to design the show, I would have set it several decades, perhaps even a century, after TNG.  If there had to be a war, it would have been against some new – or maybe even a little known old – species.  I would have fought tooth and nail against doing a prequel.  But if I had to do a prequel set during the Klingon War, this is what I would have started with.

Instead of being First Office of the Shenzhou, Burnham would have been a Science Officer.  With nothing at all to do with Sarek.  During the first battle, the Shenzhou would have been heavily damaged and left tumbling.  Burnham would turn some science equipment into a … neutrino canon, or something.  It would be too big to move, so she would have to fire it through the remains of the ship at the approaching Klingons.  She only gets one shot, and it stops the Klingon ship.  Before the rest of the Klingons can finish off the Shenzhou, the rest of the Federation fleet shows up and the remaining crew are rescued. 

Burnham finds that the part of the ship she fired through hadn’t been completely evacuated.  She killed four crewmembers.  Of course, if she hadn’t fired and killed them, then the Klingons would have killed everyone in twenty seconds.  None of them were her boyfriend, or roommate, but they were people she knew and had meals with.  It deeply scars her.

For her actions, which did save a hundred or so of her other crewmembers, she is offered any post in the fleet.  She picks the Discovery, because as a science ship, it shouldn’t be part of the war.  But Lorca is recklessly gung-ho and tries everything he can to get the Discovery into the war.  There is no spore-drive.

The show would basically be them going to new planets looking for allies or resources for the war effort.  There would be no Mudd, and no Mirror Universe.  While Burnham deals with her PTSD and tries to rebuild her life, Lorca wants her to build weapons so he can lead the Federation to victory!  (I have more on Lorca below.)

That’s the general idea I came up with after watching the first nine episodes.

Why I gave up on Discovery

When Star Trek: Enterprise came out, I compared it to beating a decrepit cash cow.  There was the prequel problem, and other problems, and I wondered if it would just be best to let Star Trek die.  Then the reboot/reimagining/rewhatever movies came out and there was the reboot problem, and other problems, and I wondered if it would just be best to let Star Trek die.  Then they announced, a new prequel. 

I know Star Trek isn’t going to die – it’s a cash cow – but is it too much to ask for something new and good.  To me, the easiest way to set up a new show with the potential to be new and good is to just set it fifty some years after TNG. 

(I almost wrote that I’ve been waiting twenty years for a show set decades or a century after TNG.  Then I remembered my idea for a fan fiction series following the USS Gibraltar.  I only came up with the outlines for four stories, and I never put much time into working on it.  I have too many other ideas I’m … ignoring.  Anyway, this series was set between the end of TNG and the Dominion War.  So is it a case of me not following my own … wishes?  Something for me to think about, but I digress.)

Anyway, with Discovery we were stuck with a prequel.  One that was to be set in the main continuity.  Okay.  But then it was like, here, look at these cool aliens.  Those are … interesting.  They’re Klingons.  WTF?  In the main continuity at this time, Klingons were just humans with some makeup and a different uniform.  (That’s how we knew they were aliens.)  After I had watched the first two episodes, I described the Klingon Issue as the Powers That Be painting themselves into a corner and then shooting themselves in the foot.

Let’s forget the Klingons for now.  This new series wanted to do their own thing.  On one hand, you have to respect that.  But then they brought in Sarek.  And then Harry Mudd.  And then they went to the Mirror Universe.  I remember when I walked out of the 2009 Star Trek – which I had plenty of issues with – I thought that if they wanted to do their own thing, fine.  But they shouldn’t try to redo anything from the Original like, The Wrath of Khan, for example.  And then we got Into Darkness.  It’s you want to do new things, but you keep trying to redo things that, often, were done far better than you can do.  Now you’re painting yourself into a corner, shooting yourself in the foot, then putting your head in a noose, and still expecting good things to happen.

So I had a lot of issues with Discovery.  But I kept watching it, in large part so I’d know what everyone who was complaining about the series was talking about.  I watched the first eleven episodes, but when the twelfth came out, I just didn’t feel like watching it.  I’ve read reviews on the remaining episodes, and I have no desire to finish watching the series.

In one of the reviews, the reviewer discussed how some people might be let down by some of the reveals since in this internet age every scene can be dissected for weeks or months and various fan theories discussed ad nauseam until the reveal finally happens.  This could lead some to think the show is too predictable.  And predictability is an issue, but my concern is that it looked like they were going to do something stupid and I thought it was a red herring to mask what they were really going to do.  But then they just did the stupid thing. 

Stupid example number one, SPOILERS, Tyler is Voq.  Now I know that in “The Trouble with Tribbles” there’s a Klingon posing as a human.  But, that was when Klingons were just humans in makeup and different uniforms, not the demon Klingons from Discovery.  Also, I very much doubt a political aide would have gotten as much medical care and examination as a rescued POW.  (I mean, Riker looked like those aliens until he was taken to a hospital and they had trouble finding his heart.)  Also, I believe it was in some TNG episode where someone remarks that Klingons aren’t known for their surgical expertise.  But not only can they do this wonderful surgery – that would also have to change his DNA – they can also implant personalities.  Really?  Did anyone think this through?  Could something like that be done in the Trek Universe?  Sure.  By the Klingons?  If they had help, maybe.

Stupid example number two, and the final straw for me, Lorca was from the Mirror Universe.  The reason this bothered me so, is that one interesting thing about Discovery was Lorca.  Trek has a long history of rouge captains or admirals.  Two examples I can think of are O’Brien’s former captain who started attacking the Cardassians because they were secretly breaking a treaty, and Riker’s old captain with the phasing cloak ship.  Basically, these two, “bad guys of the week” thought they could break the rules because it was what was best for the Federation.  It was the argument of sometimes you have to set aside your principles in order to save them.  It’s a complex issue and one many would say is rather relevant.  I was really hoping that instead of just showing up in one cautionary tale, with Lorca we could deal with this subject for an entire season.  But instead of Lorca being off because he is so driven to save the Federation at any cost, it just because he’s the Mirror Lorca.  Sigh.

So that’s all of my Star Trek: Discovery thoughts that I just never got around to posting.  Now hopefully I never have to think of it again.

Thoughts on The Orville and Star Trek: Discovery

I wasn’t really interested in watching either of these shows because, well, the trailers made them look bad.  I’ve now watched the first 2 1/2 episodes of The Orville and the first two episodes of Discovery, and while I may watch more in the future, I really have no plans to do so. 

After I watched the first episode of The Orville, my thoughts were that it was the first draft of a sub-par Star Trek episode that instead of doing revisions to tighten the plot, develop the characters more, or punch up the dialogue, they just sprinkled in bad “jokes.” And I say “jokes” because that’s what they are.  For example, in the first episode they arrive at this science outpost and they call up the director.  The Captain and First Office talk with the director for a bit, then go down to meet with him.  While this is going on, in the background of the director’s office is a dog licking his balls.  Nobody says anything about this, and for a moment I wondered if it was going to be like Airplane where some of the movie’s best humor is the unexplained bizarre shit going on in the background.  But once the Captain and First Office leave to go down to the planet, the camera pans over to two other characters who go, “Did you see that dog licking his balls?” “First thing I saw.” Having to call attention to the “joke” is as bad as having to explain the joke.

So if I’m not impressed with the humor of The Orville, how about the scifi bits?  They’re basic and not that interesting.  I mean, the second episode was your Basic Plot #156c, where a character is unexpectedly thrust into command and they make the wrong decisions and everyone things they can’t handle it, but in the end they dig deep and win over everyone and the day is saved.  It’s something we’ve seen a thousand times before, and there wasn’t anything making it a unique version.

And I only watched the second episode because I saw a bunch of things on Twitter and Facebook about how great the third episode was.  The third episode does deal with an important issue, but I’m not a fan of ham-fisted social commentary.  And it felt like I was being beaten by a whole pig.

Now about Star Trek: Discovery.  First off, the Klingons.  I don’t care for the reimagined Klingons.  I’m sure I had seen a few of the Original Series episodes as a kid, but I grew up with Star Trek with the original movies and The Next Generation.  So I’m used to the TNG Klingon design.  I understand that the reason the Klingons changed was that they now had a budget for the makeup.  Fine.  There was no need to “explain” the difference.  Then came “Trials and Tribble-ations” where someone didn’t recognize the Original Series Klingons and Worf just said something like, “It’s not something we talk about.” If they had just CGId forehead ridges onto the old guys, or inserted new Klingons in place of the old ones, people would have complained, but it wouldn’t have been an issue.  Instead, it just made a mess.  Like, weren’t there videos of the Federation and Klingon Empire signing treaties or something that would be shown in schools?  You’d think such a major change would have been … noticed.  It’s like if during the 1960’s the Russians spoke Portuguese.  It would be an odd bit of trivia that would be the basis for a thousand YouTube videos.

Anyway, Enterprise explained the change as some genetic mutation, or something, which … good enough.  It was a shitty situation, but they made the best of it.  So what’s with the new Klingons?  It feels like if they had gone with the Original Series Klingon design, the old fans would have applauded them for keeping the continuity, but the “Powers That Be” were worried that the general public would look at them and go, “That looks stupid.” So they made demon Klingons to be “scary.” It would be like if they made Vulcans eight feet tall and purple, just to make sure people knew they were aliens.  And then they claim this is still in continuity, and I’m like, “Bullshit.  You painted yourselves into a corner, and then shot yourself in the foot.  You did something stupid, and I don’t have to like it.”

So other than that, what did I think of the first two episodes?  Meh.  It was like, “Wow, the people behind this generic scifi action shows are running a risk of being sued by the Star Trek people for using Klingons, Vulcans, photon torpedoes, etc.  Wait, this is Star Trek?  You mean, like bad fanfic Star Trek, right?”

What did I actually think of the story?  Um, contrived.  I mean, what exactly was Klingon guy’s plan?  We’ll damage this relay, then when a Federation ship arrives to fix it, we’ll just stay cloaked for hours doing nothing, waiting for one of them to fly out in a spacesuit and clumsily kill one of our guys and then wait several more hours until, wait, what?  I mean, what would have happened if the Shenzhou had just fixed the relay and left?  Would they have had to damage it again?  It would have made more sense for the Klingon guy to set off the beacon when the Shenzhou arrived so that tons of Klingon ships would show up and have the shit hit the fan.  But then we wouldn’t have had the all-important Burnham flying through space scene. 

I think the problem I have with both shows is that, twenty years ago I would have been blown away by the effects and would probably have liked the humor more.  I’m not saying that I’ve matured, it’s just that great special effects have become … expected.  I’ve had my fill of whiz-bang, can you give me a good story?  And from what I’ve seen of these two shows, my expectations of them giving me good stories is low.  To be honest, the only reason I might … find a way to watch Discovery, is the Under the Dome effect.  If you don’t know, Under the Dome was a bad show from a couple years ago.  I started watching it out of curiosity, but then I continued watching it because there was a reviewer who would go on these amusing, long winded rants about the show, and I would watch the show just so I’d know what they were talking about.  And there are going to be a lot of people bitching about Discovery.

Thoughts on Star Trek Beyond

So it’s been a week or so since I’ve seen Star Trek Beyond, but it took some time for my thoughts on it to jell.  My initial reaction was that it was okay.  Better than Into Darkness, but that’s like saying The Force Awakens was better than the prequels.  But as I’ve thought about it, the more issues and problems I realized I have with it.

To begin, I’m not a fan of this … timeline, whatever you want to call it.  I’ve always maintained that if they wanted a new series set a hundred years after TNG following the Enterprise H or whatever, I would have been perfectly fine with that.  Well, as long as the stories were good.  It would have made money because of the Star Trek name, but it wouldn’t have had THE Star Trek names of Kirk, Spock, etc. 

A lot of people dismiss people like me by saying, “They’re just unhappy because it’s not their Star Trek.” But for decades and for a hundred or so hours of TV and movies, Kirk was Shatner not that … other guy.  Shall we compare “The City on the Edge of Forever,” “Let That Be Your Last Battlefield,” “Mirror, Mirror,” “The Trouble with Tribbles,” and The Undiscovered Country with … Beyond?

Yes, these new movies aren’t my Star Trek, but they try which mucks everything up.  For example, for Into Darkness they locked themselves in the Khan closet instead of doing something original.  If Into Darkness had just been about a disgruntled Starfleet operative wanting to take down Starfleet for personal reasons it … would have been more like Beyond.  While that’s an improvement, they’re still locked in the TOS apartment.  Imagine if this had been a new franchise.  You could have had a competent, Andorian female captain, a wise-cracking, Hispanic XO, a dour doctor fighting personal demons of some kind, other new and interesting characters.  It could have been opened up to so much, but instead we get grouchy McCoy arguing with Spock because that’s what my Trek did. 

This idea of we’re new, but we’re also old is one of the reasons I had issues with the first film.  As I watched Vulcan be destroyed, my thoughts were They’ve already done time travel in this movie so they’ll just go back in time at the end to fix that.  But they didn’t.  Part of it – I assume – was to show they’re new bold, gritty timeline.  However, there was Old Spock.  You know, the guy who from memory – not long after being dead – calculated how to fly around the sun to time warp to go pick up some whales to save the planet of his mother.  Apparently, he never considered doing that to save the planet of his father. 

I think my main issue with this timeline is that trying to have it both ways, the “we’re going to do bold new things, but first we’re going to lock ourselves into this apartment and limit ourselves.” To some this is really Star Trek, but to me, it’s just expensive fan fiction.