(Spoilers)
The movie starts with Bond beating people
up around the world looking for Blofeld.
He finally discovers a base where someone was going to be surgically
altered to be Blofeld’s double. Bond
kills him as well as Blofeld who shows up.
Bond returns to London and M puts Bond on
a new case. It appears that someone is
smuggling diamonds out of South Africa, but instead of selling them now, they
seem to be stockpiling them so that they could possibly flood the market with
them later. So Bond is to impersonate a captured
diamond smuggler to infiltrate the scheme.
Meanwhile, Mr. Wint – who often spritzes
himself with cologne – and Mr. Kidd are killing off the people in the chain of
smugglers.
Bond makes contact with Tiffany Case who
has a lot of diamonds that need to be smuggled into the US. The real smuggler escapes and tries to make
contact with Tiffany, but Bond kills him and switches IDs. They then use the body to smuggle the diamonds
into LA where Felix from the CIA is waiting to help.
The body is picked up and taken to a
funeral home in Las Vegas. The body is
cremated, and Bond gets an urn of diamonds.
He drops them off, and is attacked by Wint and Kidd. They set him to be cremated, but then it’s
discovered that the diamonds aren’t real.
Bond will hand them over when he gets the real money.
Bond goes to a casino owned by Willard
Whyte, a Howard Hughes type guy who hasn’t been seen for years. Tiffany is waiting for him in his room,
wanting to get the diamonds and split them with Bond.
The next day, Bond sends Tiffany to a
circus to retrieve the diamonds. She
gets the diamonds, slips Felix and his men, and passes on the diamonds. But then she discovers that she’s next on the
list of people for Wint and Kidd to kill, so she decides to start working with
Bond and Felix.
Bond follows the diamonds to a Whyte
research base out in the desert. He
slips in and discovers that the diamonds are being used on a satellite. When his cover is blown, he steals a “moon
buggy” and there’s a chase across the desert.
Tiffany is waiting for him outside the base, and they go back to Las
Vegas, where there’s another chase with the local cops.
Bond breaks into Whyte’s penthouse, only
to discover that Blofeld – and another double – use a voice thing to impersonate
Whyte. They are using Whyte’s various
businesses to cover what they’re doing.
Bond kills the double, and Blofeld lets him leave. But Bond is gases in the elevator.
Wint and Kidd pick up Bond and throw him
in the trunk. Wint’s cologne falls out
and breaks, covering Bond. They drive
him out to the desert where there’s a pipeline being built. They put him in one of the pipes, and the
next day it’s buried. Bond wakes up
before this welding thing comes through, and manages to get out of the pipe.
Bond then calls Blofeld using Q’s voice
changer thing to get Blofeld to slip where the real Whyte is being kept. They go and pick up Whyte, but Blofeld –
disguised as a woman – slips out of the casino.
Tiffany sees him, follows, and is captured.
The satellite is launched and starts
shooting missile silos and submarines. Blofeld’s
plan is to hold the world hostage for an auction for nuclear supremacy.
Bond discovers that Blofeld is operating
from an oil rig, and parachutes in. Bond
has a plan to switch the control tape for the satellite, but it doesn’t go as
planned. So in the end he – and Felix
with some helicopters – end up blowing up the rig. Blofeld tries to escape in a little sub, but
Bond crashes it into the side of the control room.
Bond and Tiffany go on a cruise, where
Wint and Kidd try to kill them. But Bond
recognizes the cologne, and manages to kill the two.
#
After the – in my opinion – rather bland
Blofeld plot from On Her Majesty’s Secret
Service, it was nice to see what you think of as a classic Bond villain
plan. But overall, I’d say the movie was
just okay. Nothing really stands out.
I don’t remember in what order I saw the
older Bond movies, but it was nice to see how this one kind of takes up after
the last with Bond going out of his way to hunt down Blofeld. Yet, there was one scene that was a little
cringy. At one point Bond asks
Moneypenny if he could bring her anything, and she says, “A diamond, in a
ring.” Now this is, maybe a few months after his wife was killed. Too soon.
And I just wondered something. I don’t know if this is covered in any of the
novels, but does Moneypenny flirt with all the Double 0s, or is it just
Bond? That might make for some
interesting fan fiction at the very least.
I had never planned on ranking the Bond
movies, but I think I’ll rank the movies of each Bond actor. So, in my opinion,
the Connery Bond movies from best to worst are, Goldfinger, You Only Live
Twice, Diamonds Are Forever, From Russia With Love, Thunderball, and Dr. No.
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